"Dr. Rainer is my ministry coach, and through his amazing ministry, he helps add much value to our church outreach and community ministry. Here is a funny blog he posted recently." -Pastor Hawley
Pastors visit church members and others in the hospital. It is what pastors do. And most patients appreciate the ministry and efforts of these pastors.
But that does not mean the pastors’ visits are uneventful. I went to social media to learn about some of the unusual visits pastors experienced. Here are my top fifteen submissions.
- Amen and die. One pastor prayed and the church member died when he said, “Amen.” That’s not all. It happened with three different members on three different occasions. Right at “Amen.” I’m glad I got his name on social media. He is not to get near me. Do I hear an “Amen”?
- Flying bedpans. There was no further explanation, but it’s worthy of a high ranking.
- Nude runner. I got many submissions regarding indecent exposure. My favorite was the elderly woman chasing the pastor down the hallway. The woman was nude. Completely nude.
- Quiet conversations. The family was present when the pastor came in the room. They introduced the pastor to the patient. The pastor had a nice conversation with the patient until one of the family members finally told him the patient was deceased.
- Jailbreak. The elderly patient asked the pastor to lean over so she could speak to him. He complied. She grabbed his shirt and yelled, “Get me out of here. They are trying to kill me!”
- Bad timing. One pastor learned it’s not wise to walk in the patient’s room with the doctor. It really scares the patient.
- Bad timing 2. Another pastor learned it’s not wise to walk in the patient’s room with the local funeral home director.
- Bad word choice. Yet another pastor learned it’s not wise to tell a patient, “See you on the other side,” right before surgery, even if you meant after surgery.
- Bad word choice 2. One pastor walked in while the patient’s daughter and wife told the doctor to unplug the patient. “He wouldn’t want to live like this.” The doctor responded, “He will recover just fine, and he can hear you.”
- Too much company. A pastor was joined in the room by the patient’s current girlfriends. Yes, that’s plural. Two of them. Then an ex-girlfriend showed up. Then an ex-wife.
- Missing Starbucks. A heavily sedated patient insisted that the pastor was her barista and was really agitated he did not have her latte.
- Know when to fold them. A pastor closed his eyes to pray for an accident victim. He did not realize he was grabbing the rail and pushing the button that folded the patient in half.
- Emergency call. The patient/church member in the hospital called the church office to ask someone to visit her immediately. A staff member complied. The patient needed help cutting her hamburger steak.
- Only one-half? The student pastor was sent to visit the church member in the hospital, and the family introduced him as a “half pastor”.
- Wrong. The pastor walked in the room and began speaking to another guest of the patient. When the pastor asked her where she attended church, she gave the name of the pastor’s church. Of course, he had never seen her before.
Keyword: Hospital visits